UPDATED: October 10, 2023

It was the yelling that caught everyone's attention.

Well, that and the guy emphatically slamming his hand on the hotel's registration desk. A line of people waiting to check in stared at the scene, transfixed by this irate guest.

The problem was clear. He thought he had a reservation. The hotel said he didn't. Plus, the hotel was sold out so they couldn't accommodate him.

The front desk agent was unsympathetic. It’s hard to care deeply about someone’s problems when they’re yelling at you and making a scene. She just wanted the guest to go away.

A supervisor stepped in and immediately made two mistakes.

First, he gave in to his own embarrassment. The supervisor turned to the long line of weary travelers waiting to check in and said , "I'm sorry for the delay, folks, but you know, some people...." He tilted his head towards the irate guest just in case nobody knew who he was talking about.

Mistake number two was to face the guest directly, hold up the palm of his hand like a stop sign, and loudly say, "Sir, I'm going to need you to calm down!"

All hell broke loose. Someone called security.

Customers are not opponents

The hotel supervisor treated the irate guest as an adversary.

Objectively, we know we aren't supposed to do this. Customer service professionals are there to help, right? It gets a little more complicated when the situation is real.

Angry customers can trigger our fight or flight instinct. Upset customers are harder to help because they tend to get more judgmental and less open to ideas. Some customers are just jerks.

Unfortunately, treating a customer like an opponent tends to make things worse. Now, they have two problems. There's the initial issue plus the maddening feeling of being stonewalled.

Consider this infamous Comcast cancellation call. Nobody really cared that the customer wanted to cancel his service. It was the Comcast agent's unwillingness to facilitate the cancellation request that caught everyone's attention.

Customer service reps stonewall upset customers all the time. Perhaps not at an extreme level, but they still do little things that make matters worse:

Robotically quoting policy
Using trigger words like "No" or "Policy" to defend a decision
Trying to argue with a customer or prove them wrong
Failing to demonstrate empathy
Using defensive body language

The Partner Technique

You'll have better luck serving angry customers if you make them feel like you're on their side by using the Partner Technique. Here are some examples of using partner behaviors:

Shift your body language so you're both facing the problem together
Listen carefully to customers so they feel heard
Use collaborative words like "We" and "Let's"

I discovered the Partner Technique while working with an airline client's ticketing agents. They'd often encounter travelers who were upset about baggage fees or long check-in lines.

Here's how the ticketing agents used the Partner Technique to make their passengers feel better:

First, they'd physically move to the passenger's side. This allowed them to look at the issue together, but it also avoided more defensive face-to-face body language.

Second, they'd ask questions and listen carefully to the passenger's concerns.

Finally, the ticketing agent gave the passenger their commitment to assist them. This didn't always mean giving the passenger exactly what they wanted, but it did mean making an effort to demonstrate empathy and provide assistance.

This change in perspective helped more passengers feel better and made the ticketing agents' jobs a little easier.

One final note:

Being on the customer's side doesn't necessarily mean you aren't on your company's side. It just means that you are making an effort to understand your customer and help them succeed.

Case Study: The Partner Technique in Action

How would the hotel situation have unfolded if the supervisor (or even the front desk agent) had used the Partner Technique?

Here’s a nearly identical example where the supervisor did use the technique.

Two guests attempted to check in to a hotel. The associate couldn’t locate their reservation, despite the guests insisting that they had one. They became rude and verbally abusive, even as the associate calmly tried to find a solution.

A supervisor stepped in.

She used open body language and partnering words to show she was on the guests’ side and genuinely wanted to help. The supervisor asked if the guests would give her a few moments so she could research the issue and find their reservation.

The guests were still upset, but they began to calm.

The supervisor returned with an update. She had located the guests’ reservation, but it was at another property managed by the same chain. It was the guests’ error that caused the whole scene!

Continuing to use the Partner Technique, the supervisor offered to have the hotel shuttle drive the guests to the other hotel. It was a 20 minute drive, but the hotel would transport them at no cost. The other option was to transfer their reservation to the supervisor’s hotel. The supervisor offered a discount, though the rate would still be significantly higher than the other hotel since it was a waterfront resort (the other hotel was in a suburban office park).

The guests accepted the supervisor’s transportation offer.

They weren’t happy. They didn’t apologize. They didn’t even own up to their mistake. But the supervisor’s efforts to partner with the guests prevented an escalated or prolonged argument and helped the guests get to an acceptable solution.

That was still a good outcome since all of this happened in a public space in front of other hotel guests. As one of those guests, I can tell you we were all grateful for the way the supervisor handled the situation with grace.