A few Customer Service Tip of the Week subscribers have asked if I had any specific advice for serving customers during the COVID-19 epidemic.

I won't pretend to have any magic cure-alls. This is not an easy time to be in customer service. My best frame of reference comes from nearly 20 years ago when I managed a contact center during 9/11.

Based on that experience, and the lessons I’ve learned since then, the suggestions below can help.

A wary and uncertain customer service agent.

Keep Your Cool

We're all going through a lot right now.

People are stressed out. Some people are panicking. Others are ill, or have family members who are sick. And some customers may choose to take out their frustrations on you.

You'll be tempted to snap back. After all, you're going through a lot, too. Listening to upset customer after upset customer takes its toll.

This advice is easier to give than the follow: don't lose your cool. That will only make it worse. Here's a short video to help you identify that moment of truth.

Understanding our natural instincts from Working with Upset Customers by Jeff Toister

Empathize with Customers

There's a surprising twist to empathy, which I'll get to in a moment. First, let's cover why empathy works.

Empathy is defined as the ability to understand another person's feelings.

So an empathetic response to a customer who lashed out starts with overcoming our instinctive desire to snap back (see above). We should instead treat the customer with caring, kindness, and compassion.

The challenge can be identifying the other person's feelings when you're struggling with your own. Here's an exercise I've done that's helpful:

Step 1: Consider why the customer is truly angry. For example, many customers today are worried about their health, their jobs, their kids, and even their normal way of life.

Step 2: Think about a time you felt the same way. That could be right now for many of us, since we're all experiencing some level of anxiety.

Step 3: Use that experience to identify with your customer's feelings.

I once witnessed a master class in empathy from an airline gate agent who somehow managed to soothe a drunken passenger who had missed her flight.

Okay, now to the surprising twist. Psychologists have discovered that making an effort to empathize with other people in distress can make us feel better.

Partner with Your Customers

Customers subconsciously want to know, are you with them or against them?

Something magically changes when customers feel like we're on their side. They drop their guard and relax a little. People become more pleasant and understanding.

I learned this technique from working with airline gate agents. A common problem occurred when a passenger tried to board with an oversized bag. The most successful agents used this technique:

They stepped out from the counter and stood next to the customer.
They used collaborative language to explain the situation, such as "Our overhead bins have limited space. Let's see if your bag will fit."
They worked with the passenger to test their bag in the luggage sizer, and made helpful suggestions if the bag did not fit.

Can you find ways to show your customers that you're on their side? Here are some more suggestions that can help you.

Listen Carefully

Our listening skills can go out the window when we're stressed. We don't want to hear it, we're pressed for time, or we just don't know what to say.

Taking a moment to overcome this urge and really listen can make a world of difference.

In the days after 9/11, I found myself and my customer service team spending more time talking to customers. Sometimes, it was just listening to a quick story the customer wanted to tell. Other times, we had longer conversations about how people had been affected.

I see the same thing when I walk my dog at a local park. There's a regular group of dog owners, many of whom are also small business owners.

We maintain more than six feet of social distance while we chat, but we've had some good conversations lately about what we're experiencing, what we think will come, and what we plan to do about it. None of us know the answers, but I know we feel better just having someone listen.

Here are some exercises you can use to build your listening skills.